God obviously has a sense of humor!
Most of you that know me, also know that I am a practical joker. It was my favorite extra-curricular activity in High school. I was known for rolling yards, saran wrapping cars, and Oreo-ing (I know that is not a real word) houses. I had this joke war going on with one of my high school teachers for the longest time. I remember taking out all the screws in his chair, turning everything in his classroom upside down, and once I even spent hours punching out hundreds of tiny holes with the hole puncher. I strategically placed them throughout his car so when he drove off the paper would fly everywhere. Maybe you do not fully understand the hilarity of this joke so let me paint a better picture for you. Try punching out a handful of paper holes and throwing them on some carpet. Then see how long it takes you to clean up the mess. I am giving you permission to even try with a vacuum cleaner. You will soon realize they do not come up without a fight and basically you have to pick them up by hand. I know …I am so mean.
Summer Camp was another time for me to pull out the pranks. Kool-Aid in the shower heads, shaving cream in underwear, and once I went into one of the boys cabin and stole every one of the mattresses off of their beds. Hilarious! One of my latest jokes was a cockroach in a coffee cup. It would have been really funny... except some how the bug turned into Harry Houdini and managed to escape…opps. So as you can see, I don’t always like to play nice.
I was reminiscing about all of my side splitting pranks the other day and was bragging to one of my friends that as many jokes as I have played, I really haven’t ever had anyone retaliate….Knock On Wood. (if you are reading this and suddenly feel the urge to prove a point and come up with this great joke to play on me…I want to warn you that paybacks are always worse) While thinking back about everything, it has to come to my attention that God has been playing the ultimate prank on me for years.
You see, I believe I am somewhat of a hypochondriac. (My friends and parents would probably laugh at the use of the word “somewhat”) Hypochondriac is defined as “a person with somatic over-concern, including morbid attention to the details of bodily functioning and exaggeration of any symptoms no matter how insignificant.” Ever since I was a little girl I have an innate ability to convince myself that any disease or sickness that I read about, see on tv, or talk about has been hiding somewhere in my body. At any given moment it could appear. Usually it works like this – I have a headache that last more than an hour – in my mind it is a brain tumor growing at a rapid rate which will soon cause my left eye to go blind. The small freckle on the end my nose looks a little bit darker in color than it did yesterday – I think I need to schedule an immediate appointment with a dermatologist because it is probably skin cancer which will cause my nose to fall off. I watch the discovery channel and learn that for 62 years a woman has been carrying around an unborn fetus that has basically turned into stone. Yes people…it can happen….and maybe just maybe could happen to me. If someone tells me …. Man Lee, are you feeling well today? You look a little pale. I suddenly realize, yes, my throat HAS been a little sore and now that you mention it I have also felt a bit queasy.
Now God did not stop there…oh no…when He created me He was an all out standup comedian. He also decided to give me an anxiety disorder. This disorder is defined as a "persistent or irrational fear. Clinically, fear is defined as an emotional and physiological response to a recognized external threat. Anxiety is an unpleasant emotional state, the sources of which are less readily identified.” Once you combine the hypochondriac with the anxiety disorder ... well lets just say I have considered stopping all communication with the outside world. I am not only paranoid about the 100 million diseases that could be taking over my body …I am also paranoid about random things that are completely out of my control.
Example #1 – I once watched an episode on Dateline about hotels and bedbugs. What a coincidence…I was going out of town and staying at a Holiday Inn later on that week. I was TERRIFIED to sleep on the hotel bed. I was TERRIFIED to sleep on my OWN bed. In fact I was determined that I wasn’t going to lay on my bed until I looked under the mattress. The problem with that was… I was to scared to look under my mattress. I had to call my mom so she was on the phone with me for reinforcement while I looked for the creepy crawlies.
Example #2 - Every time it storms and there is a tornado watch/warning you will find me in my closet with my mattress, my dog and a flashlight. I am determined that a tornado (even if the storm is in 50 miles away) is going to find my house, suck me up in the air, and drop me of in a land with flying monkeys and little people . Everything will be gone except for my favorite pair of red shoes. Laugh all you want….those monkeys are scary.
I could go on and on with stories...ones about anthrax, sniper shootings (oh...you should have seen me literally running zigzag through Walmart parking lot when the Washington DC shootings were going on) , and even Big Foot being in my backyard. Yes, God has blessed me with a good sense of humor! He has also gotten in some good laughs at me over the years. So, I guess I will close this blog…as I sit here at my computer and type…suddenly panicing wondering how long it will take me to get Carpel Tunnel Syndrome. Hmm….maybe I should Google that…Carpel Tunnel Syndrome.
Ha Ha…the jokes on me.
Summer Camp was another time for me to pull out the pranks. Kool-Aid in the shower heads, shaving cream in underwear, and once I went into one of the boys cabin and stole every one of the mattresses off of their beds. Hilarious! One of my latest jokes was a cockroach in a coffee cup. It would have been really funny... except some how the bug turned into Harry Houdini and managed to escape…opps. So as you can see, I don’t always like to play nice.
I was reminiscing about all of my side splitting pranks the other day and was bragging to one of my friends that as many jokes as I have played, I really haven’t ever had anyone retaliate….Knock On Wood. (if you are reading this and suddenly feel the urge to prove a point and come up with this great joke to play on me…I want to warn you that paybacks are always worse) While thinking back about everything, it has to come to my attention that God has been playing the ultimate prank on me for years.
You see, I believe I am somewhat of a hypochondriac. (My friends and parents would probably laugh at the use of the word “somewhat”) Hypochondriac is defined as “a person with somatic over-concern, including morbid attention to the details of bodily functioning and exaggeration of any symptoms no matter how insignificant.” Ever since I was a little girl I have an innate ability to convince myself that any disease or sickness that I read about, see on tv, or talk about has been hiding somewhere in my body. At any given moment it could appear. Usually it works like this – I have a headache that last more than an hour – in my mind it is a brain tumor growing at a rapid rate which will soon cause my left eye to go blind. The small freckle on the end my nose looks a little bit darker in color than it did yesterday – I think I need to schedule an immediate appointment with a dermatologist because it is probably skin cancer which will cause my nose to fall off. I watch the discovery channel and learn that for 62 years a woman has been carrying around an unborn fetus that has basically turned into stone. Yes people…it can happen….and maybe just maybe could happen to me. If someone tells me …. Man Lee, are you feeling well today? You look a little pale. I suddenly realize, yes, my throat HAS been a little sore and now that you mention it I have also felt a bit queasy.
Now God did not stop there…oh no…when He created me He was an all out standup comedian. He also decided to give me an anxiety disorder. This disorder is defined as a "persistent or irrational fear. Clinically, fear is defined as an emotional and physiological response to a recognized external threat. Anxiety is an unpleasant emotional state, the sources of which are less readily identified.” Once you combine the hypochondriac with the anxiety disorder ... well lets just say I have considered stopping all communication with the outside world. I am not only paranoid about the 100 million diseases that could be taking over my body …I am also paranoid about random things that are completely out of my control.
Example #1 – I once watched an episode on Dateline about hotels and bedbugs. What a coincidence…I was going out of town and staying at a Holiday Inn later on that week. I was TERRIFIED to sleep on the hotel bed. I was TERRIFIED to sleep on my OWN bed. In fact I was determined that I wasn’t going to lay on my bed until I looked under the mattress. The problem with that was… I was to scared to look under my mattress. I had to call my mom so she was on the phone with me for reinforcement while I looked for the creepy crawlies.
Example #2 - Every time it storms and there is a tornado watch/warning you will find me in my closet with my mattress, my dog and a flashlight. I am determined that a tornado (even if the storm is in 50 miles away) is going to find my house, suck me up in the air, and drop me of in a land with flying monkeys and little people . Everything will be gone except for my favorite pair of red shoes. Laugh all you want….those monkeys are scary.
I could go on and on with stories...ones about anthrax, sniper shootings (oh...you should have seen me literally running zigzag through Walmart parking lot when the Washington DC shootings were going on) , and even Big Foot being in my backyard. Yes, God has blessed me with a good sense of humor! He has also gotten in some good laughs at me over the years. So, I guess I will close this blog…as I sit here at my computer and type…suddenly panicing wondering how long it will take me to get Carpel Tunnel Syndrome. Hmm….maybe I should Google that…Carpel Tunnel Syndrome.
Ha Ha…the jokes on me.
This entry was posted
on Tuesday, September 23, 2008 at Tuesday, September 23, 2008.
