Its A Girls World

Have you ever noticed how every year Christmas seems to be celebrated earlier and earlier in November? This year Non stop Christmas music started playing on one of the local radio stations two weeks before Thanksgiving!!! Decorations and trees start going up in all the department stores…and not to mention those wonderful neighbors that decide to put up their Christmas decorations and lights the first of November (I’ve never understood why it is always the Griswald family…the one with the tacky Santa’s and inflatable yard toys??)

Well I have an answer to why every year it seems to get earlier – or at least a theory – Evil Cheery Holiday Elves!! I believe they are out there in human form… strategically placed in our cities and their main goal is to eventually have world domination – CHRISTMAS YEAR ROUND!!!!

I noticed this couple of years ago on Black Friday. Think about it - thousands of people go shopping on this one day of the year. People wake up at 4:00am and wait in line in the cold to get these special Christmas sales... You and I both know there is no way the customer service workers can be that cheery after dealing with crabby customers all day long….it is just not normal.

When you walk into Wal-Mart this time of year, who do you almost always come in contact with?? The Wal-Mart greeter – and have you noticed how chirpy they are while sporting their Wal-Mart vest and holiday pin!! Uh huh, it’s an evil cheery holiday elf!

How about when you open the sales papers on Sunday morning and start seeing all the great Christmas advertisements that cause all of this mad chaos….someone, somewhere had to decide to advertise that as a “BUY ONE GET ONE HALF OFF HOLIDAY SALE ONLY!!!” - Evil Cheery Holiday Elf, maybe??

Or…the one person in your office that has started playing Christmas music a little too soon for comfort. They have already started planning the holiday office meal and holiday party and you haven’t even bought candy for the trick or treaters yet!!! Yeah, you know who I’m talking about!!

These people may not be vertically challenged with pointy ears…but that’s the point, they blend in with the rest of society… (other than the fact they have a twinkle in their eye year round and smell of apple cider.) They are walking around in human form trying to brainwash us into the Christmas spirit. It’s almost like you snap…one minute you are going about your everyday routine and then BAM suddenly you are walking around with a cheesy holiday grin, listening to silent night, and dressing up your pets in reindeer antlers. If this continues eventually we will be walking around in July wearing tacky Christmas bathing suits!

Warning: The nature of this blog could be offensive to some females. If you are looking to find out the real truth on how some guys really think about girls and sex continue reading but I am warning you this could get ugly.

My friend A and I went to see that movie the Ugly Truth last weekend. It was a cute movie that left me wondering is this “just a movie” or could some of this possibly be true. Well, unfortunately last night I found my answer to that question. A and I went out to meet up with some guy friends at one of the local bars. We had some very interesting conversations of which I am about to share with you in hopes that it will shed some light on the male species… (not ALL of the male species just some)

First, I need to give you a little bit of background on the boys and how I met them.

A couple of months ago I was out for a bachelorette party at a local hotspot. I was on the dance floor when I noticed this guy who looked just like Robert Pattinson. His hair was a little different but something about him resembled my love, Edward Cullen. I marched right up to him with my camera and asked him if I could take a picture to send to all my Twilight crazed girlfriends. He immediately responded with “You think I look like that Robert Pattinson guy, don’t you?” A little cocky for my taste but I took the picture anyway, said thank you and started to walk away. I obviously offended him because he replied with “That’s rude you’re going to take my picture and not even introduce yourself.” So, from there we had a brief 5 minute conversation and he gave me his number (for the record I never called). Since I never use real names in my blog we will call guy number one – Rob P.

A introduced me to the other two guys about a month ago. I will admit one of the fellas caught my eye. He was very funny and we immediately hit it off. We were flirting the entire night and when it was time to leave he asked for my number. Of course the very next day A informed me “Alysia, he is a great guy but he is not boyfriend material.” I have had that conversation in the back of my head ever since then and wondered why she would think that. It was a warning she was giving me. He likes to tell people he resembles Brad Pitt. To be honest, I don’t see it but for the purpose of this blog we will call him Lil’Brad.

I also met the other guy the same night I was introduced to Lil Brad. He is the spitting image of Will Ferrell and has the exact same sense of humor as well. The second time we hung out (remember he knows I have been hanging out with Lil’ Brad) we were leaving and I went in to hug him goodbye and he came at me like he was going to give me an open mouth kiss. I was taken completely off guard, I turned my head and he said “What? That’s how I tell people goodbye.” Unbelievable!!

Anyways, to help paint this picture a little brighter (or possibly dimmer) all three of these guys, Rob P, Lil Brad and Will are roommates. So now that you know a little bit of how these guys look and how they operate we can move on to the juicy stuff. A and I had no idea we were in for such a treat when we went out with these guys the other night. Girls, let me just tell you when I left I was so livid (not necessarily at them directly) but just at the fact that this is the hand we are dealt and it just doesn’t seem fair. Guys and girls are held to much different standards and we all know that but hearing how a guys thought process really works on some of these issues just burned me up. – The quotes that actually came out of these boys mouths are listed in bold….

“I would not marry a girl who has slept with more than 8-10 people. I don’t want my future wife to be a slut.” ~ Rob P In Society, have we ever gotten an actual answer to the long standing question, why is it that a guy can sleep with 25+ women and be viewed as a pimp or someone with high social status but if a girl has more than 5 sexual partners she is labeled as a slut or whore? I’m not saying I condone sleeping around (because I don’t) but I do feel like it is a double standard.If ever girl had this outlook about men ...well lets just say there would be alot of guys that never tie the knot.

“If a girl has hooked up with a few of my friends I would sleep with her but probably never talk to her again after that. I definitely would not date her” ~ Will So you are in a new relationship with what you think is Mr. Prince Charming. He takes you out, buys you dinner, says all the right things but you soon learn that this Mr. Charming has at some point hooked up with two of your acquaintances/semi-friends. You are expected to act like it is no big deal because the past is the past, right?? So, you never bring it up after the initial conversation (but you and I both know it constantly remains in the back of your mind.) However, if a guy finds out you have hooked up with two of his fraternity brothers well that is probably why he is taking you out in the first place. You have hooked up with them so he doesn’t want to feel left out. He sleeps with you but never has any intentions of dating you – when I asked the guys why they wouldn’t date a girl that has been with their friends the response I got was “we are jealous in nature and will always be thinking about it…and that’s just weird.” Well, hello?? How do you think we feel when we find out youve been with our friends? We will constantly be thinking about whether our friend is a better kisser than we are....but heaven forbid that we allow THAT to be the reason why we dont date you.

If I hook up with you on the first or second time we hang out as soon as you leave I will be calling you a slut.” ~ Rob P It’s a fact – guys are going to talk. They may not have that dirty locker room talk but if they see you out and your name is brought up they will say things that you probably don’t want their entire entourage to find out about. How the word spreads soooo fast especially in a small town.

“None of us have had girlfriends in years. I want to be able to do what I want to do, when I want to do it.” ~ Lil Brad

Don’t misunderstand me on this issue and the point of this blog – I am not saying that since most guys have numerous sexual partners that we as women have the right to be just as sexually liberating. Yes, there is a double standard – it shows in these answers the guys gave…. But we are the ones who are condoning this habit of thinking BECAUSE so many girls are having sex (or doing everything but) with guys after the second or third time they have hung out. What’s the harm in waiting? Every girl should be a little pissed after reading this but it should make you a little bit more empowered and willing to wait.

Girls become emotionally involved A LOT sooner than guys and sometimes have the tendency to think if they get intimate the guy they will like them even more. Hopefully by reading this blog you can quickly see it’s just the opposite – the truth comes out. Boys are obviously going to have no problem hooking up with you…. but you better be prepared for the backlash – if you think it will end up with you both walking down the aisle, a white picket fence, and a little “minnie you” …you should go back and read through this blog AGAIN….

Guys have no respect for girls that don’t respect themselves.

Thanks to the three little pigs for allowing this “social experiment” - haha

Dear Chocolate,


I think about you constantly. I dream about you and long for you. Every day without you is a struggle.

You have always been my one true love (well almost, there are the other secret loves…Bread, Pasta and French Fries but no need to mention them right now since we have recently split ways as well) …ok so you have always been my favorite nighttime forbidden love. I lie awake at night and reminisce about the years we spent together. The nights we snuck into the movie theater and you let me nibble on you. The days you stopped by my office at work and helped me relieve some stress. You were there for me when no one else was. You consoled me all those lonely nights. If it wasn’t for you I would have been at home alone with my box of tissues and the movie He’s Just Not That Into You…. instead you were there right beside me, comforting me while I watched the movie. You made me laugh and feel all warm inside. Other people have even noticed a change in me when you are around. They say my skin glows and I look so happy and healthy. (ok so maybe “healthy” wasn’t the exact word used but I am sure it is what they meant)


In the past I have broken your heart and have left you many times but always ended up coming back….I am sorry but not this time, I have got to let you go. It has only been two days since we have parted ways but I know this is for the best. Please understand. Know that there isn’t a day that goes by that I do not think of you. Sometimes I even convince myself that I can smell your wonderful scent. I close my eyes and dream that I am touching you and caressing you gently with my mouth. You have been the one consistent thing in my life. You have always had a way of making me feel special and I thank you for that.

Wanting You More,

Lee

I made a very stupid bet with a friend. I am not usually a betting person but in this particular situation I really felt like the odds were in my favor ….

I bet my friend “CB” that he couldn’t go a month without a sip of alcohol. Of course he turned it around and said I also had to participate in this friendly wager. Ok – to clarify it’s not like either one us have a drinking problem but when you live in an area that consistently has 114 degree heat index and you are going to be out at the beach or on the boat it is very hard to resist the cold refreshing Michelob Ultras gleaming at you from inside the cooler…. especially when everyone around you is partaking. I honestly didn’t worry about myself…It would be easy to go a month with no alcohol…it would also help me shed a few pounds off that beer gut

(let me pause and give a shout out to that new country song “Rockin the Beer Gut.” For those of you who aren’t country music fans I will post the lyrics to the chorus below. Its great!!

“5 foot something, cherry bomb she had everything going on
The first thing that caught my eye
She was rockin’ the beer gut
and I love the way she’s not ashamed
Rockin’ the beer gut
well it’s just some extra love around her waist
Rockin’ the beer gut
She’s more than hot, she’s everything
and with the blue jeans a little tight around her butt
Rockin’ the beer gut”

The bet was for the entire month of June. I was doing really well until I went to an 11:00 am wedding ceremony this past weekend – yes note the date – June 27th only 5 more days before the bet was off. An 11: 00 am wedding – have you ever heard of such?? It threw me completely off. In my world of somewhat structure (LMAO) an 11:00 am wedding had sent me for a loop. What do I wear?? Cocktail attire, it was definitely not formal, a Sunday church dress?? Do I eat before I go…or will there be appetizers, or maybe lunch, or brunch?? I don’t eat breakfast foods so I would hate to not eat and then be starving the entire time because I get there and all they have is Grits (yuk) and Omelets (double yuk). Hmmm…I found myself stressing about this 11:00am wedding, probably even more than the bride. All that anxiety had time to build and by the time the reception rolled around I was ready for a Bloody Mary, a glass of Wine, or even a Screwdriver. And what do I do?? I proceed to order myself vodka, cranberry, and orange juice….without even hesitating. (Sidenote – the Wedding was beautiful, the food was amazing and the bride was gorgeous – Congrats to CJ!!!)

So that was it!! The beginning of end. I lost the bet….and let me just say I HATE losing. Do you want to know what happens next?? I will be prancing around the island on Saturday, one of the biggest boat parties of the year, (since it is July 4th) in 100 degree heat wearing a bikini and cowboy boots. GEEZ…. I am NOT looking forward to this. This little bet has spawned one of the worst weeks I have had in a really long time because I figured I am going to look stupid I might as well look good and stupid. So the endless amount of salads, veggies, water, and jogging has started.


“A man's gotta make at least one bet a day, else he could be walking around lucky and never know it” – Jim Jones

I am back and blogging again. So….I have been on a hiatus for a while but now that my ex’s ex isn’t crazily stalking my every move (and blog) and has now moved on to the next twenty something year old victim, I have ventured back to my love – writing.

Some things have changed since my last entry. I have a temporary roommate – I love her. She has moved in and will be out in six months, no questions asked. I did not have to solicit her from murderer friendly Craig’s list or a cheesy want ad. She was a friend of a friend and the roommate situation has actually turned out to be quite pleasant from all the horror stories I have heard.

My little sister is now happily married. It was a beautiful beach wedding last month. I am just thrilled that I made it through the week she, my brother in-law, my parents and her eighty pound monster stayed with me. She was a bit of a bridezilla – I’m not going to lie, but we all managed to get through the week with only minor cuts and bruises, a few broken bones and one black eye.

I am back in the “dating” world….if that’s what you want to call it. Don’t get me wrong…I still think dating is for the birds (or vultures), no offense to all you dating junkies out there, but your sport sucks.

I have been on a few dates and have had a few interests since the first of the year. There was the guy that was “Waaayyy to Young” that it almost made me feel yucky about myself. During dinner I was having flash backs of the “Hot for Teacher” special on TV about Mary Kay L. and the high school student. Uggh!!

There was the “Bartender Guy” I was smitten over and went to see every weekend…thinking he might be somewhat interested but I quickly learned that he flirts with all of his customers (gender /age / english speaking… no preference..it doesn’t matter) to get a better tip.

There was the “Make a Great Friend” guy that I clicked with instantly….everything about him is almost too good to be true – smart, funny, polite, nice looking, all your friends want to date him if you don’t, type of guy…. But for some reason you just don’t feel it because the relationship is lacking something that you can’t figure out.

Lately there have been the guys that fall into the typical “Lee Pattern”… the musician after the musician….the athlete after the athlete…the guy with the pregnant ex-girlfriend or girlfriend???…I wasn’t quite sure?? The ones that I know are bad for me but I gravitate toward for some reason or another anyways. I know all my friends are looking at me and thinking “why can’t you just date someone with a semi-normal job who doesn’t have all the crazy ‘EX-tras.’”

I did finally take them up on that suggestion and have been out on a few dates with a guy that has a normal job with somewhat normal hours…we will call him the “VIP Guy” because he is well established in his career. He is actually one of the reasons why I decided to pick back up my notebook and pen. We got into a way too serious conversation that probably shouldn’t have happened until after a couple of strong tequila drinks, and a few months of dating instead of on the third date (all my proper etiquette, live by the dating rule book friends gasp now in horror at the thought) Anyways….the conversation was of course about my many issues…it was actually more like a therapy session rather than a date conversation….but when I was driving home after the date I realized that instead of talking HIS ear off about my need for boundaries, tendency to push people away rules and over analyzing issues I could’ve avoided the whole commitment phobia conversation with him and could have written down my thoughts here. I realized just how much I have missed “venting” to the world of bloggers, a world that is free from judgment, embarrassment and proper etiquette….(something I am OBVIOUSLY not skilled at)

So here I am …writing at 12:02 in the morning…. and it feels good.

"Sometimes we need to stop analyzing the past, stop planning the future, stop figuring out precisely how we feel, stop deciding exactly what we want, and just see what happens."

Why is it impossible for most people to just let go? If you are anything like me you like to have a plan. You like to make plans. I carry around a calender that I write down everything in...what I have going on for the next year is listed in my little blue book. It makes me feel like I have control of my future ...when in all actuality, you and I both know that is a false sense of security because no one really has complete control. Sure we tell ourselves this is where I want to be in 5/10 years and once in a while someone might even get lucky and have everything planned out to where it will actually happen, all the pieces might fall into place,but in most cases...it doesn't.

I sit here today...writing to you as a divorced 26 year old who just found out her job (which she absolutely loved) has been eliminated.. Oh crap...now what?? Both of these unfortunate circumstances were definitely not "planned" for and written in my little blue book. I will say this year has had alot of interesting twists and turns. If you would have asked me two years ago where I saw myself in three years it would not be standing here at this crossroad, that's for sure. So what now? Where do I go from here...how do I pick up the pieces... because basically I am starting ALL over again.

Everyone keeps saying..."everything happens for a reason"...don't you just love that??....people only say that to you when you are faced with an unexpected challenge and they are trying to make you feel better about yourself. Yes, everything might happen for a reason but that doesn't mean you have to understand it or much less accept it right away. Usually the pieces of the puzzle do not fit together until much much later and it is very hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you are surrounded by so much fog. Its hard to stay positive when everything around you is changing. Right now, I am at a crossroads....and "there are so many roads, so many detours, so many choices." I am starting over from scratch with every major thing in my life...well at least two major things...love and a job.

Who knows at this point what lies ahead for me. "Maybe I have to let go of who I was to become who I am suppose to be ??"

“Communication. It's the first thing we really learn in life. Funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words and really start talking, the harder it becomes to know what to say. Or how to ask for what we really need.”

Do you know how great it would be if there was a "play book" to guide you through all of life's intimate situations. Something that was easy to read and gave you step by step instructions on how to handle different circumstances. If you followed them to a tee then you would already know what the outcome would be. You wouldn't have to worry about saying the wrong things and looking like a complete idiot....in front of your boss, your friends or the person you have been crushing on for the last few months.

I don't know about you....but I could use a book. Yesterday, I was told that I seem like an aggressive person, this comment definitely threw me for a loop and I have been thinking about it ever since....how often do I really go for what I want? I am constantly coming out of situations thinking..."I should have done this"....or "it was the perfect opportunity to bring that up".... but then the moment comes and goes...I analyze it to much and I miss my chance. I realize lately my missed opportunities are because I have a fear of intimacy - and by intimacy, I mean the feeling of closeness, familiarity, and understanding ... when there are no boundaries, no walls. You say everything that you mean...everything that is on your mind. (Scary huh)

How many times have I bit my tongue for fear of stepping on someone else's toes? How many times have I held back my opinion because I was afraid that others would judge me? And my personal favorite... how many times have I held in my true feelings for someone because I wasn't sure how they would react and I wasn't sure of what would happen afterwards? How do you know when you have crossed the line and said to much? I don't know about you but I constantly struggle with this. In the last week I have been in a few situations that were "missed" opportunities...I could have easily said something or asked a question but instead I ran from the situation and avoided it like the plague because I was afraid. I find myself trying to avoid any and all awkwardness and stick with the comfortable conversations. Allowing yourself to open up to other people is hard...putting everything out there on the line in any situation is difficult becuse intimacy is both desired, and feared. It is difficult to live with, and impossible to live without.

"I wish there were a rulebook for intimacy. Some kind of guide to tell you when you've crossed the line. It would be nice if you could see it coming. You take it where you can get it, and keep it as long as you can. And as for rules, maybe there are none. Maybe the rules of intimacy are something you have to define for yourself." - Meredith Grey